To Belong
by sao21
Summary: One-shot of a conversation between JJ and Emily after 3x02, and inside Emily's thoughts on the events that proceeded it.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or anything related to it.**

To Belong

Emily has been berating herself ever since her meeting with Strauss. 'How could I be so stupid? I should have known that politics would ruin my dream job. It's ruined my childhood, why wouldn't it also wreck my adult life? I thought having parents who were so obsessed with their own lives and careers that they couldn't be bothered with me would have been payment enough for me to escape that world. I should have known that it would take more; politics always wants more. What all will it take from me before it lets me go?'

Hours later, after examining the problem from every angle she could think of, Emily had come to one conclusion, 'Politics can have me, but it can't have Hotch and the rest of the team. They don't deserve to have this done to them. They're the closest thing I have to a family. I might not be able to rescue myself from my parents' world, but I can save the team from Strauss…at least until she finds another stooge.'

Quitting was one of hardest things she had done in quite some time, especially with Strauss just sitting there practically begging to be told off. She had just about reconciled herself to her fate in the State Department when Hotch appeared at her door telling her that he knows what she did and the team needs her. As Hotch waits for her decision, her mind goes into overdrive. 'Part of me just wants you to leave. Making a clean break with the team was hard enough, I'm not sure I can handle it again. I really don't want them to know that I didn't earn my spot on the team, it's bad enough that you figured it out. I'm not sure I can handle it if the rest of the team knows that I was placed in their midst to be a spy. On the other hand, they're short-handed and can really use all the help they can get. Moreover, I already miss them; I'm not sure how I'm going to handle being away from all of them once I join the State Department. I have to go and help; I can't leave them that short-handed.'

She had meant what she said to Hotch. She really had missed working at the BAU. She had missed the team. They were the closest friends she had ever had—with the possible exception of Matthew Benton, but she had broken him. He had turned to drugs after she had destroyed his faith. It didn't matter that she hadn't meant for that to happen to him, that she was just a kid who had made a mistake, or that it was the priest's response to her mistake that had caused him to question God; in her mind, it was her fault. But the BAU team was different than Matthew; they were stronger. She hadn't broken them. But she had destroyed Matthew, her best friend, the one person who was there for her when she needed someone the most; maybe she was destined to have the same effect on the team. Maybe she should just join the State Department.

However, she desperately wanted to believe Hotch. She wanted to believe that she belonged in the FBI, with the BAU. She was so deep in thought that she didn't hear the door swing open or the quiet knock that had preceded it.

"You do belong on this team you know. You always have." Emily spins around to meet warm blue eyes.

Emily, afraid that JJ will read the fear and doubt in her eyes, quickly looks down. "JJ! What are you " she begins, but is interrupted.

"Why didn't you tell us what Strauss wanted you to do?" JJ starts angrily. "Why didn't you trust us…trust me?" she whispered the last part as if to herself.

"I…um, I…"

JJ gently lifted Emily's chin so she had to make eye contact. The blonde's relief that Emily was okay and that she was back on the team was evident in her eyes, but there was something more too. Something deeper and not as obvious—acceptance, friendship, and something the brunette couldn't quite put her finger on. Emily hadn't seen that look directed toward her since Matthew and Italy. She takes a deep breath as she decides if she can open up to JJ; she was different than her childhood friends, acquaintances really, who all had ulterior motives. She realized that she could take the risk to be herself with the blonde. "I was afraid."

"Of what?" JJ prodded gently when she realized that Emily wasn't going to continue.

"That all of you would have thought that I knew about Strauss's plans. That I used my mother and my name to climb to where I did. That I don't deserve to be part of the team, and that I never did." She says so quietly that JJ almost misses it.

"None of us think that your name got you where it did."

"But it did! That's why I got placed with this team!" Emily screamed as she started to pace. "Strauss put me in the BAU because of my name, because who my mother is. My mother, Elizabeth Prentiss, the _great_ Ambassador. How could I be any different from her? 'The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.' Right?' I didn't really earn it. I just didn't realize that was the reason my dream was finally coming true, but I should have. I just so desperately wanted to believe that I could escape the life that my parents wanted for me, that I could find a place that I belong, that I didn't question why I was transferred without Hotch's knowledge. I should have questioned it. I'm supposed to be a profiler, yet I didn't realize I was being played."

JJ finally grabs Emily's shoulders to get her friend to stop pacing and to let her talk. "You did earn your place, Emily. I know Hotch wasn't aware of your transfer before it happened, but you are an amazing profiler, agent, and person. If you weren't, do you really think Hotch would have kept you on the team or gone out of his way to get you to come to Wisconsin with him to help with the case?"

JJ takes Emily's hands, and she finally meets the blonde's eyes for the third time that night, "As for wanting to belong, you're part of this family, Em. You're part of _our _family. Please believe that. Believe me." And that is when Emily finally realizes what the last thing she saw in JJ's eyes was. It was love.

"I do Jayje. I'm so sorry it took me so long to realize it."


End file.
